The Brown Noser

3 A.M. Fire Alarm at Keeney Reveals Surprising New Couples

No matter the persistent Providence rainstorms of late, residents of Keeney Quad say spring fever is already here. While a fire alarm that went off late last Saturday night caused firefighters to search through Keeney for signs of smoke, the real sparks seemed to be happening outside where students clad in various states of undress waited patiently to be allowed back inside.

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Campus Life

Drug Bust at Brown; Apparently Greenhouse is Used for Something

A major drug bust was made yesterday at the Brown University greenhouse, located just off Lincoln Field. At approximately 10:00 AM, The Department of Public Saftey discovered massive amounts of Cannibas sativa being grown in the greenhouse by Brown student Michael "Ganja" Sanderson '09.

Business

Cold Stone Creamery Unveils New Revenge-Flavored Ice Cream

From the people who wrought such ambrosia upon the world as "Cookie Doughn't You Want Some," "German Chokolatekake" and "The Pie Who Loved Me" comes an innovative and carnally satisfying new signature plate: "Revenge: A Dish Best Served Cold Stone." Cold Stone Creamery announced the dish yesterday, kicking off a new line of emotionally-inspired flavors.

Arts & Leisure

VA 10 Class Outraged by Performance Piece

Students of Professor Joshua Zimbinski's VA 10: "Studio Foundation" class reportedly grew irate Wednesday when classmate Robert Parks '11 destroyed their projects in the name of "artistic expression." "It was a performance piece," explained Parks. "I was representing through action the engulfing rage and envy that burns in the furthest depths of my soul.

Science & Technology

Whoa, That Cloud Looks Kinda Like a Dragon, Study Shows

Scientists at the Institute of Let's Just, Like, Lie Here On the Grass for a While, Okay? have conclusively demonstrated that the cloud right over there looks sort of like a really angry dragon. This finding represents the most seminal research from the Institute, which was founded by Chief Formation Analyst Tony Hodge '11.

Off Campus

Tree Hugger Frustrated by Cactus

David Schmitt '11 has always been passionate about protecting the environment, but the self-labeled tree-hugger has been discouraged recently. Although he frequently displays his fondness for foliage by wrapping his arms around their trunks and pressing his cheek softly against their woody exteriors, his latest enthusiastic embraces have been thwarted - by a cactus.

Opinion

Emma Watson: Corrections: Corrections

In February the Brown Noser published a series of corrections of a December profile of then-prospective-Brown-freshman Emma Watson. Additional information had come to light calling our attention to several factual inaccuracies in the December article. Since then, however, additional information has come to light calling our attention to several factual inaccuracies in the February corrections of the December article.

Sports

Intramural Water Polo Team Members in Over Their Heads

Brown newest intramural sport, water polo, is gaining excitement and momentum across campus as the number of fans grows exponentially from match to match. While many students now play, the league's growth and creation can in fact be traced to one man - team captain Jeremy Rockingham '10.