The Brown Noser

Student Disappointed Friends Actually Came For Spring Weekend

"How was I to know they'd make it?" Robert Stevenson '12 asked vexedly. Every year, Brown students invite friends and acquaintances from hometowns, study abroad experiences, and long, awkward bus rides through Connecticut. Most of these invitations, though, are turned down or politely ignored.

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Campus Life

Student Legally Changes Age to 21

Defying societal norms and asserting her right to use any age she likes, Kate Dorelle '12 officially changed her age last Thursday from 19 to 21 years old. "It's about independence. It's about being yourself," said Dorelle. "I didn't choose my age. My parents did, and I'm not going to let them or anyone tell me how to live my life.

Business

Yet Again, Loui's Staff Decide to Stay Up Until 5 and Make Breakfast

Although they all have stuff to do tomorrow and are totally going to kick themselves for it later, employees of Loui's Family Restaurant on Brook Street decided at 1 a.m last night to hang out in the store until the morning and then serve people some food.

Arts and Leisure

Cabo/Kabul Airport Mix-Up Leads to Sub-Par Spring Break

Spring breakers Emily Rothstein '12 and Jenna Harris '12 admitted to feeling "a little disappointed" when their ostensibly Mexico-bound airliner touched down in Afghanistan late last Saturday. The navigational misstep allegedly began when an employee at Logan Airport in Boston mistakenly spelled Kabul with a C on the departures board.

Science and Technology

Chatroulette Study Reveals That One Out of Every Three Internet Users Is a Giant Penis and/or Cat-Person

A recent study led by Brown Computer Science Professor Lester Siegel has revealed startling new information about today's internet users. By meticulously studying recurring trends and patterns on the internet website Chatroulette.com, Siegel and his team were able to uncover that one out of every three internet users is, in fact, a giant penis and/or cat-person.

Off Campus

One, Two, Three, Four, Congress Declares Thumb War

During a special session last week, Congress voted unanimously to declare a thumb war against Liechtenstein. Afterward, Barack Obama held a press conference, the solemn words of which, pundits are saying, will "ring in the halls of history for centuries to come and ever and ever, like, seriously.

Opinion

There's No Business Like the Meat Packing Industry

Ah, the scents. The sounds. The ambiance. There's nary a place I'd rather be than in a dank, unlit room full of assembly lines, knives covered in old meat, and carcasses. Nowhere can you get that happy feeling, when you are stealing that extra hunk of meat to feed your increasingly desperate and starving family.

Sports

Brown Croquet Club Plagued by Elitism

A throng of argyle-clad Brown Croquet Club members descended on the Main Green with mallets, croquet balls, and ample pompousness last Thursday. In so doing, they displaced scantily clad sunbathers, confused tour groups, and ignited a firestorm of controversy.